Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
