I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
tell me about the eggs
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