I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
