dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
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