wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
