I'm pants shitting drunk right now
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
