i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
my shit smells like andre
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
