i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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