She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Randomize
