i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
third nipple confirmed
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
