I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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