dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
you would pick up someone in the library
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
