...so i touched it.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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