Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
