What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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