your thong is hanging out like whoa
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
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