Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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