All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
