oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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