If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
