Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
