her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize