dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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