Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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