i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
