DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
