If i could tip my vagina, i would.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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