I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
