I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize