This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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