i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
