you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
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