wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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