M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
