i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
