just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize