you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
