why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize