Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
