beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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