Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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