And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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