You smell like stripper and shame
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize