He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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