i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
