shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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