Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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