Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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