problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
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