I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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