There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Randomize
