so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
