There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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