I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
