you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
She needs sedatives and a leash
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Randomize
