When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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