I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
