Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
