Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Success! We fucked roommates!
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
