I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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