the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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