That's when you crack a 10am beer
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
