Pants 0. Shit 1.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
