I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
