tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
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