I wish life had little blips of pornography
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
