Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
