I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
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